The green paintwork (is it even a Land Rover if it isn’t green?) is all new and the top of the front wings is protected by chequer plate, which has also been painted. This nod towards modernity makes the front wings the perfect place to stand your cup of tea while you’re out surveying your domain.
Other practical features spring to mind: rural legend has it that the Series II’s wire mesh front grille has been utilized to form an impromptu barbeque grille. This one looks minty fresh and appears to have only ever been used to fulfill a more traditionally decorate and protective role but, who knows? It would be a great boast to be able to make, saying that you grilled freshly caught mackerel on the beach on it, wouldn’t it?
And then there is the new canvas roof. Beautifully finished in an attractive tan colour, open-top motoring is available whenever the sun makes an appearance. Of course, it isn’t quite as weathertight as an MX5’s but then the MX5 can’t conquer Africa, can it? (Although I’m sure a future episode of Top Gear will prove me wrong…)
As is usual, the bumpers appear to have been constructed out of leftover bits of the Forth Bridge, but that’s okay too because no-one is going to bully you on the school run in something like this, are they? And there’s no need to worry about kerbing your expensive alloy wheels and ultra-low profile directional tyres either because a) it hasn’t got alloy wheels, and b) it doesn’t have low-profile tyres, either.
What it does have is a set of beautifully painted steel wheels that you can hammer into shape if you ever dent them - not that you will ever dent one because they are wearing a set of high-profile road-biased tyres that will bounce off even the stoutest of kerbs. And, while you might think you want chunky mud tyres you don’t, not really because they’ll howl on the road, let go at the slightest hint of rain, and pitch you around the cabin like a Tasmanian Devil in a washing machine.
And, as we will never tyre of explaining, our experience shows that matching high-quality tyres are an infallible sign of a caring and mechanically sympathetic owner who is prepared to spend the appropriate amount in maintaining their car properly. Their presence does not, of course, preclude the need for a thorough inspection - something the vendor would welcome, by the way – but do give you a shortcut into their attitude towards maintenance.
A towbar and electrics have been fitted, plus black wing-mounted mirrors which almost completely remove the blind spot we are all used to having to put up with the door-mounted jobbies everyone fits today. Freshly galvanized trim pieces complete the traditional Landy look, and the whole kit and caboodle should stay rust-free almost indefinitely with only a modicum of care.
This is the part where we normally mention inch-perfect shutlines and ripple-free flanks but if we were to do so we would understand your incredulity; this is, after all, a Series II Land Rover and they came looking distinctly secondhand from the factory. The bulkhead looks as though it is the original, you can see where it was shot-blasted and cleaned prior to the repaint.
(The rumour is that when the Germans bought Land Rover one of its senior engineers was boasting of the panel fit across the BMW range to the boys in Solihull: “We lock a cat inside each car overnight, and when we find it suffocated in the morning then we know the door seals are up to scratch.”
An old hand took a drag of his rollup before saying in a broad Brummie accent: “Yes, we have something similar. We lock a cat inside overnight, too. If it hasn’t escaped by the morning then the vehicle is passed by quality control.”)
So, the panels don’t fit like a new Range Rover but they are almost certainly better than they were in period. The flanks are a bit wibbly too, and there is the odd run in the paint and some orange peel, but nothing ages better than a Series Land Rover and a few imperfections and, later, battle scars only add to its character.